What Not to Do in Command School
by flyingsaucerscout
Summary: Otherwise called "What Happens in Command School Stays in Command School", but that title was too long. Basically it's the story of my OC's, Z, Tiana, Remy and Alex and what it's like to be in Command School because I have a right to make it up .
1. Arrival

**YAY AUTHOR'S NOTES.**

**Uhh rated T for implied stuff, maybe it'll actually happen later. (hint hint) Seriously though. While I'm writing this I have no idea how it's going to end.**

**Anyway, this takes place around the time when Ender gets to Command School, basically saying that the whole story is a waste of all of my characters' time. (:**

**Wanna see what they look like?**

**If yes go here: http:/ s383 . photobucket . com /albums/oo279 /ferretzrockmyworld/? action= view& current=commandschool .jpg [minus those pesky spaces]**

**If no go here: http:/ www . neopets . com /~tiburonzin_ujaja_ [minus spaces, naturally]**

**STORYTIME.**

What happens in Command School stays in Command School.

That was the bit of advice that Z and Tiana received upon their arrival. Z was feeling victoriously superior that day, and showed it. A smug smirk mingled on her face, and her arms were crossed loosely. Her step was quick and breezy, walking like a supermodel on a runway. Her jungle green eyes carried a triumphant glint, and she had actually bothered to move loose strands of her dark, straight hair out of her eyes. Some might say it was no different from usual, but others would argue that she was actually…happy.

Tiana followed Z close on her heels like a puppy. Her own green eyes were bright with excitement, and her curly chocolate brown pigtails bounced against her chest as she trotted alongside her friend. "Daddy will be so proud of me!" She closed her eyes, and imagined a father that missed her. Tiana Andrada was not supposed to be a Battle School student in the first place. Her father, Fernando Andrada, was in charge of a highly successful spice company, famous especially for its saffron. As a publicity stunt, he claimed that his daughter was a bright young mind perfect for Battle School. After a large sum of money and a conversation with Colonel Graff, Tiana was admitted and shipped off. Z, on the other hand, had a tendency to draw people to her and get what she wanted. Aside from that, she was a very talented child, and she was admitted without a second thought.

"You know it." Z acted nicely towards Tiana, as to keep her loyalty. Since they met in their launch group, Tiana was a minion of sorts. She delivered messages for Z, made her bed sometimes, even helped her spy on other armies. "It's so great that we've come this far."

"I know, right?" Tiana felt like growing wings and flying.

"Enough chatter, girls. You're big kids now. You've been reassigned into new armies." Major Peterson was the principal of Command School. He led the two to the barracks.

"You're kidding. We still do the army thing here?" Z looked a little irritated.

"It's a good format when you're training kids to be a part of the military." Peterson grinned. He had heard that Z was a fiery student, and was amused by her.

"Whatever. It just gets lame after nine years." Z was a few months past her fifteenth birthday.

"I'm sure all the schools get lame after nine years." Peterson said. "It's not the same as the old army thing. You don't involve yourselves physically. You guys will learn through computer simulations."

"Yay! I love computer games!" Tiana smiled cheerily.

"…Yes. Now, time to meet your army." Peterson held the door open. "Ladies first."

The barracks were formatted just like the ones in Battle School. It seemed that every single one of the bunks was occupied by a boy. So much for having other girls to talk to. At least, Z thought with a mischievous grin, they'll be easy to persuade.

A blonde boy looked up at the new arrivals and walked over. "Zannah and Tiana? I'm Alex O'Neil, your new commander. Welcome to Shark Army."

"I prefer Z." she said bitterly.

"Oh. Well, I'll keep that in mind. I've been assigned to be Tiana's mentor. Remy, your mentor, is in the gym right now. When he gets back, I'll introduce you." Alex seemed as carefree as Tiana. That couldn't be good. But how in the world could he be a commander with no sense of superiority?

Just then, a tall, thin boy with spiky dark hair walked in. "So we've got some ladies in Shark? Nice."

"Don't get your hopes up." Z glared at him. Remy held up his hands defensively.

"Ah, I can tell you two will make great partners…" Alex coughed.

"Shut up and tell me where my bed is." Z scowled.

"Right over there, the two empty ones. But you don't have to stay in them." Remy grinned.

"Ew, just back off, loser. I don't make out with my nemeses." Z started off towards her bed.

"But we're not nemeses. We're allies. Better yet, partners." Remy wasn't about to give up.

"You can think you're hot stuff, but don't think I'll believe it. Don't think that just because you're my mentor, you have rules for me. I don't do rules. I work my way, nobody else's. You can teach me without being a perv, or not teach me at all." Z jabbed her index finger at the bridge of Remy's nose.

Remy straightened. "You're either playing hard to get or really hate my guts already."

"The latter." Z growled, storming back to the bunk.

"Alex is soooo nice." Tiana fluttered her eyelashes. "How's Remy?"

**I know it's short. But I didn't know where to beak it off and there's plenty more where it came from so stay tuned, Earthies~**

**Maddie out.**


	2. Persistance

**Are you ready to be amazed?**

**No?**

**Ah well. You will be anyway.**

"Remy is the worst, most disgusting, most annoying-" Z started, but was broken off.

"-Most handsome, most helpful mentor there ever was?" Remy butt into Z and Tiana's conversation in the halls.

"Is it, like, a guilty pleasure of yours, invading my privacy?" Z glared at him.

"Oh, that's not invading your privacy." Remy assured nonchalantly. "This is." He was behind Z with his hands at her hips, whispering in her ear. Remy knew that if he gave her time to react, then she would most likely kill him. So he ducked away and prepared himself.

Z's cheeks lit up. "Back off, you _freak_!" She swatted at him.

"Hey, if I can't get you by standard tactics, then I have to work with what I've got." Remy shrugged. Tiana's glance flickered between the two as they bantered.

"If that's the kind of logic you use on the battlefield, then I'm asking for a new mentor!" Z raged, then grabbed hold of Tiana's wrist and dragged her along. "Come on, Tiana. We're out of here."

* * *

"I'm sorry, Miss Kelley-" Peterson started.

"No, you're not." Z objected.

"-But we choose your mentors for a reason." He continued as if there was no interruption. "Miss Andrada needed a patient, willing character like Mr. O'Neil. You, on the other hand, need somebody horribly ridiculous in charge of you to teach you subordinance."

Z crossed her arms and sunk into the seat. "But that's not fair!"

"It's only not fair when you're the one cheated." Peterson said. "I could go off for a long time about fair- don't think Graff didn't tell me about how you worked your way up the ranks in Battle School."

"Just for the record, I never _actually_ slept with Tyler-" Z was cut off as Peterson raised a hand.

"Save it. I have important business to conduct." Peterson pulled some papers out of a drawer in his desk and started writing, not caring if Z was leaving. Finally, Z got bored of trying to catch his attention and stormed away.

* * *

"I feel like such a freshman here!" Tiana giggled, making a smiley face in ketchup on her ham sandwich.

"You eat ketchup with your ham and cheese?" Z wrinkled her nose. "Anyway, you know what? We're not even the youngest ones here. I keep seeing this little blond kid."

"Wreawy?" Tiana spoke with a mouth full of food.

"Yeah, some prodigy or whatever. I think it was that Wiggin kid that was at the top of all the rumors in Battle School." Z grumbled at the mention of him. Anyone better than her angered her, especially knowing that he was younger.

"What are you ladies talking about?" Alex took a seat next to Tiana.

"Aren't you supposed to be in a Commander's mess hall or something?" Z stared at him skeptically.

"Just thought I 'd drop by and see my favorite girl." Alex's arm slid around Tiana's waist and she beamed up at him.

"What is _this_?" Z looked at the couple in dismay. "It's Command School. There's nowhere to take her out."

"We're together now and we don't mind!" Tiana snuggled into Alex. "You know, he was just so _nice_ to me, and we have so much in common…"

"Dominate the relationship, Tiana." Z instructed.

Alex laughed. "We're all equals here, Zannah."

"Alex, my man. What's going on?" Remy slid in beside Z. "Ladies." He acknowledged.

Z gave him a shove. "Out. You are not allowed."

Remy grinned back as usual. "Woah. You can look at this for free, but if you want to touch it you'll have to pay up."

Z wiped her hands on her uniform as if she'd just stuck her hands in a bucket of sludge. "You are disgusting."

"But in a way you know you like." He purred.

Z covered her face with her hands. "Never do that cat noise thing again if you know what's good for you…" she pleaded.

"Remy, don't go overboard." Alex advised, a concerned look on his face. "Maybe you should leave her alone for a while?"

"I can handle my own problems!" Z snapped. "Stay out of this. It's none of your business."

"My army is my business." Alex stated. "I can't have my soldiers fighting. Work it out somehow, or our army falls apart." When he needed to control Shark Army, he really stepped up to the plate. "Now, I'll leave you girls to figure something out. I trust you will." At that, he stood up, kissed the top of Tiana's head and motioned for Remy to come sit elsewhere. With a huff, Remy followed.

"What are you going to do?" Tiana asked, wide-eyed as a rabbit like usual.

"To shut him up, I just might have to give him what he wants." Z said defeatedly.

"Don't give up! You can't give up! You're Z!" Tiana jumped to her feet and turned Z to face her for a pep talk. "Who thought of and was brave enough to carry out Operation Make-Out-With-Other-Armies'-Soldiers-to-Get-Battle-Plans?"

"That other name you had for it is starting to look better." Z considered.

"Smooch-and-Mooch?"

"Yeah." Z recalled. "But that _was_ me with the operation."

"Who single-handedly got the position of Toon Leader through bribery in the form of sexual pleasure?"

"That was me."

"And then proved in your position of leadership that you had great ideas and knew how to control people?"

"Mmm…I'm pretty sure that was me." Z was looking prouder.

"And after hard work as a Toon Leader, was even bumped up to Commander?"

"Me."

"We are in Command School now, sister!" Tiana took Z by the shoulders and shook her back and forth.

"Did you think of all that on the spot?" Z was amazed in her airhead friend.

"Nah, Alex and I wrote it together. He knew you'd need it." Tiana shrugged.

And as if the world wasn't already crashing to an end when Tiana remembered the entire speech, Z couldn't help but give Tiana a hug.

**-takes a bow-**

**I hope none of you exploded.**


	3. Free 'period'

**I ****thought poor old Ti-Ti needed some attention, so this one mostly focuses on her, with the exception of the first subchapter thinger.**

**Also (since I like making author's notes which you can skip at any time) I thought I would tell all my loving fans about "The Ropes" since I'm sure my BFFL ever Abbiey aka spunkybanana will mention them at one time or another. **

**Basically Abbiey has been looking forever for something she can make fun of me for forever. Be careful what you wish for pal! Anywho, we were rock-climbing in a gym for a summer camp, and I brought along my lunch in a cooler (Legit in a cooler, as Katie was happy to point out). I had opened my pear juice earlier on the bus ride, but I guess I didn't close it right, so it leaked out all over all of my food and completely soaked half of my tuna sandwich. Being yellow pear juice, it looked like somebody freaking peed in my cooler. Yeah. Anyway, when I finished the intact half of my sandwich, I asked where the trash bin was so I could throw out the rest of my destroyed lunch. A guy pointed me in the direction of two bins. I tossed my lunch in, but at the last second, I noticed that the bin I threw my smelly tuna out in had ropes and belays in it! Oops, my bad. Good thing we were leaving right then! So yeah, now Abbiey posts all over my facebook wall saying things like "Don't throw any food away in buckets of rope!" and pictures of piles of rope, etc. At first, I was kind of ashamed. Now I just laugh at this because somebody who wasn't me had to clean pear juice and tuna out of their belays! HA.**

**ROPES. (:**

**And now for this glorious new chapter~**

Tiana had joined Z in her top bunk for a cross-legged council session. "My theory is this." she started. "Remy's been in the Battle School environment his _whole_ life like us.. He was taken away from Earth before he learned how to treat a lady. He sees you, gets, y'know, excited, and starts using cheeseball lines and stalking you and being generally annoying."

"If there's one thing you know, Tiana, it's boys." Z rolled her eyes. "It does explain why he's been acting like a playground jerk instead of a 17-year-old."

"Alex says he'll have a man-to-man talk or something with Remy. Tell him to back off again, you know." Tiana said.

"Now let's hope to God it works the twenty-fourth time." Z sighed. "I don't think _anyone _has ever gotten to me this way."

"I must be something real special, then." It was Remy's voice. "You girls just can't stop talking about me." Remy grinned, but his smile was wiped away as a pillow nailed him in the face.

"Nice shot, Ti." Z congratulated her with a high-five.

* * *

"I'll catch up with you later!" Tiana rushed down the hall.

"Where are you going?" Z shouted to her.

"Just spending my free period with Alex- we have to separate teaching and...together-ing." Tiana called back. "I'll come back when the period is over, don't worry!" she promised.

"I wasn't about to!" Z responded, going her own way.

Tiana hurried to the room where they controlled computer-simulated battles. Alex was waiting for her, sitting up straight in the commander's chair. "Hey, Ti. Glad you could make it."

"Oh, was I late?" Tiana sheepishly looked at her feet. "Also, Z doesn't like it when other people call me Ti. And also when they point out that Z and Ti make ziti."

Alex laughed lightly at the ziti remark. "Z needs to calm down. With all her energy focused on insulting Remy, and you giving her the pep talk, you're not high-priority to be watched over. She won't be bothered by our relationship, leaving us happy." Alex opened his arms to her. Tiana happily took the invitation and rested her head on his chest.

"Wow, you really are good. No wonder they made you commander." she smiled.

"That's nothing. Just you wait until we're assigned this week's battle. Just remember, you all get a small fleet to command." Alex made sure to tell her. "Now what did you come here for?"

Tiana's eyes sparkled. She stood on her toes so her face could be closer to Alex's. Even then, Alex had to bend down a little.

"Ow." Tiana suddenly cringed.

"Oh, shoot." Alex looked at the fragile girl worriedly. "Did I step on your feet?"

"No, it's nothing." Tiana insisted. She crossed one leg over the other and touched her stomach. Her hand lingered there for a moment, and Alex put his hand over hers.

"Do you have a stomach ache?" he asked. "I could walk you to the nurse's office."

"No...it's not my stomach." Tiana looked away. "Maybe a little lower..."

"Oh, um..." Alex shifted his weight awkwardly. "Would you still like me to walk you to the nurse?"

"I'm feeling kind of dizzy..." Tiana wobbled. "Can you carry me?" she asked hopefully.

"Shouldn't be too hard." Alex scooped her up rescue-the-princess style, and she latched her arms around his neck. "You still have a pretty good grip. You don't seem too dizzy."

"You smell like soap." Tiana tried to change the subject.

"I did take a shower this morning..." Alex offered with a laugh and carried her along.

* * *

As soon as Alex set Tiana down, she was running around the nurse's office frantically, opening cabinets and drawers.

"Can I help you?" A portly woman sat at her desk, lazily watching Tiana to make sure she didn't break anything.

"My friend has, uh, received Mother Nature's monthly gift." Alex stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"Does she need a sedative?" the expressionless woman asked.

"Oh, God no. Just some ibuprofen will do?" Alex twiddled his thumbs.

"I'll see if we have some tampons first of all." she got up from her desk and waddled over to one of the few cabinets Tiana hadn't invaded.

"NO!" Tears were now streaming out of Tiana's eyes. "Tampons are _evil_!"

"Unless you want to wad up toilet paper in your skintight uniform, I suggest you take them." She handed the box to a sobbing Tiana.

Tiana took them and made her way into the bathroom. The boy watched in horror as Tiana twitched and stumbled. Alex frowned, giving a wave and leaving the office.

When she came out, the nurse greeted her with a cup full of water and two pills. "Swallow." She instructed. "You're staying in my office until you calm down."

"Okay!" Tiana cheerily took the ibuprofen. She took a seat next to the blond boy. "Hi, I'm Tiana!"

"Uh, I'm Ender." He offered a hand, but was soon squished in a hug. He took a sharp breath, wondering what caused her sudden change in mood and why she so desperately needed to touch him.

Tiana sighed dreamily. "You're cute as a muffin, you know that?"

"I always learned it as 'cute as a button'. " Ender said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tiana shied away, taking quick short breaths.

Ender looked at her wide-eyed. "I really should get back…"

"You're staying where I can see you, Wiggin." The nurse hardly looked up. "You and that stomach bug are staying in my office."

Ender stood up and walked to the opposite end of the room.

**Yes, Tiana has verrrrry rapid mood swings when she receives her gift. We all react differently. I, personally, hate looking at living things especially myself and whine about fat rolls while stuffing my face with chocolate.**

**Hopefully y'all were better prepared this time and didn't explode.**

**But unfortunately, if you weren't, I suppose I'll have to pick up the pieces.**

**-sighs and sweeps up Lilah-**

**ROPES. ;)**


	4. Shower day

**Some of the events in this chapter were suggested by Miss Julienne AKA TropicCitrus, so credit to you****, sista!**

**Thanks for the reviews for those of you who have been following me (:**

**Also, I have a picture of them now. The "link" is in chapter 1 for newcomers.**

**Uh, what else can I kill your time with?**

**HMMMM.**

**Steak. P:**

**I really want some now.**

**Or maybe some buffalo from Ted's Montana Grill.**

**Yeah, that settles it. Subtle hinting to parental units time!**

**But for you, it's reading my story time.**

**COMMENCING CHAPTER…**

**Beep…beep…beep!**

"Just remember, we're conserving water here! Five minute showers." Alex pointed at the clock. "If I have to, I'll monitor every one of you."

"Five minutes?" Tiana echoed, tugging at her pigtails. "How am I supposed to shampoo, condition, wash AND shave in just that amount of time?"

"I can give you an extra few minutes to sort out your time, I suppose." Alex offered. "But just this once. I can't play favorites."

"No, it's all right." Tiana sighed. "Everybody else in this school can do it, so I can, too."

Alex frowned. He knew Tiana knew she didn't belong. "All right…I'm glad you can do it."

"I'm glad you're glad I can do it." Tiana smiled.

"I'm glad you're glad I'm glad you can do it."

"I'm glad-" Tiana was cut off.

"Save it." Z interrupted. "Seriously, I'm happy for you guys and all, but can you not get mushy where I can hear it?"

"Somebody's upset she hasn't come to her senses and gone after this." Remy was there behind her. He always managed to weasel his way into every one of Z's conversations.

"Go crawl back into the hole you came from." Z put her hand up in the 'stop' gesture. "So not in the mood."

"But all the time is Remy time." He decided.

"Then go screw yourself because nobody else wants to." Z said.

"Suit yourself. I'll be waiting if you want to join me." Remy winked and withdrew.

"I think his comebacks are deteriorating…" Z shuddered.

"They deteriorated a long time ago." Alex informed.

* * *

Alex and Remy had spent half of their free period in the battle room, experimenting with tactics and formations to get ideas for the still unassigned battle. Bored with that, they were walking back to the empty barracks.

"Do you hear that?" Remy asked.

"It almost sounds like the fire alarm…" Alex worried. "If this place is on fire, and it spreads then where will we go?"

"Beats me." Remy shrugged and opened the door for Alex. The squawking alarm intensified. There was no fire, Alex thanked God, but instead he found Tiana stark naked in the middle of the bathroom showering in the sprinklers.

Alex quickly covered his eyes. "Please tell me there's an explanation…"

"An explanation for what?" Remy stepped into the bathroom. "Whoa, who stationed the auditions for Girls Gone Wild in Shark's bathroom? Tell Z to get over here."

"Hi Alex, hi Remy." Tiana was hardly fazed by the boys' arrival. She casually wrapped a towel around herself. "Somebody must have dropped their desk…there was one sitting on the heater, and it caught fire! I saved the barracks! I pulled the fire alarm switch thing!"

"And so why are you taking a shower?"Alex wouldn't take his hand away, but Remy was obviously staring at what he could see of her body and hoping she might drop the towel.

"I didn't know how to turn it off after the fire went out…and I know how you are about conserving the water we have…and I felt really slimy…"

Alex's voice wavered skeptically. "All right, I'll let you off the hook if you help me clean all this up. That is, once we figure out how to shut the sprinklers… off." Alex no longer felt any water falling on his head.

"Got it covered." Remy said. "We're going to need a lot of towels to clean all this up before everyone else comes back from whatever they're doing…We'll start with a donation from you, little lady." He held out his palm, as if expecting Tiana to give up her towel.

"What the hell?" It was Z. "You know what, I really don't want to know. And I don't even care. Just put on some clothes, Tiana."

"How about you take off yours to match your friend?" Remy asked. Z responded with a slap across his face.

Tiana zipped up her uniform. "You can open your eyes, Alex…I'm decent." She reached up to his face and pulled his hands away.

"We have plenty of time left in school." Alex told her. "I really didn't expect to see so much skin on the second day."

"Can I expect to?" Tiana asked hopefully.

"Hey, the girl's learning quick from me!" Remy grinned.

Alex put his hands on her shoulders. "How about we discuss this after we clean up the mess?"

"Okay." Tiana agreed, finding everyone's towels and even spare uniforms to mop up all the water. She wrung them out over the sink, and finally the floor was relatively dry. The uniforms and towels, on the other hand, were completely soaked.

"You going to explain that to your army?" Remy wondered.

Alex considered it. "Can you?"

**Alex doesn't want to get on his army's bad side so he's making Remy explain why everyone's uniforms are soaked with the remains of Tiana's shower.**

**Anyway I hope you enjoyed it~**

**Suggestions as to what Remy should try next, what Z should respond to that with, etc. are always appreciated. I probably will use them.**

**(Julienne's idea was Tiana taking a shower in the fire sprinklers)**

**Over.**


	5. Command School Idol

**Who took the cookies from the cookie jar?**

**Bean.**

**Who me?**

**Yes, you.**

**Couldn't be!**

**Then who?**

**ZOMG ACHILLES! *foams at mouth***

**Gee, sorry to offend you.**

**Can you tell when I'm bored? That was how Julienne and I spent our time at a fancy Bahamian restaurant on our parents' anniversary, playing "Who Took the Cookies from the Cookie Jar?" with our hands representing various fictional characters and celebrities. Everyone from Clark Kent to Megan Fox was accused. Of course Clark didn't take them. He **_**is**_** perfection.**

**So anyway, sorry for slow updateness. I was busy trying to do everything possible on the Atlantis resort and also reread Twilight so I had some summer reading in me- reading that wasn't fanfiction or roleplaying.**

**So anyway since I had such a good time, I want to share my happiness with you, and that I was thinking about my ever-so-special readers while I was flinging myself down waterslides. So you know the body slide in Atlantis, the Mayan-themed one that goes underwater through the tube in the shark lagoon and such? It's called Leap of Faith, appropriately named because I definitely was praying to God that I wouldn't die, or at least leave the slide with my dignity(as in, my bikini bottom isn't exactly perfectly fitted. I solved the problem with…*insert theme music* POOL SHORTS!). So as I was trying to be brave, I thought, "What would the Command School kids do?" to calm my fears.**

**Tiana: EEEEEE! *screams entire way and ends up with mouth full of water* (OK, doesn't exactly inspire confidence…)**

**Z: *slaps whoever made her go on the slide* I hope you're happy. *grumbles* (No, I'd like to be positive.)**

**Alex: *smiles and goes down silently* (Good method.)**

**Remy: FOR SPARTAAAA! *goes headfirst* (o_e I think I'll stick with the Alex plan. But I like the battle cry.)**

**WOW. That's a lot of author's notes. I hope I didn't bore you.**

**Storytime! :D**

"Listen up, Shark." Alex stood in the doorway. Attention respectfully turned towards him. "Grades are slipping ever-so-slightly. I don't want this to continue. You'll keep thinking with a 'This isn't so bad' mentality until a C or a D wakes you up." Some kids bit their lips. "I was thinking that if some of you achieve exceptionally, I may be able to offer a small reward. Any suggestions?"

"Whoever gets an A can touch Z's boobs!" Remy piped up. In the same manor that Remy was always popping up, Z was there with a good amount of hair in her fist. She pulled down hard. "Ow, ow, OK, ow!" He winced as she only pulled harder when he shouted out.

Alex sighed. "We'll pass on that one. Any others?"

Tiana raised a hand and waited until Alex gave a nod, allowing her to speak. "Maybe we could get, like, a promotion if we do well? Get to control more spaceships in the game?" **(A/N y'all just lost The Game :P)**

Alex considered it. "Not bad. That just might work. We'll have to ask Peterson if we can work the programming that way. Remy, do you have time?" He often asked Remy to do favors, out of trust in him more than superiority over him.

"Sure. 'Long as my student can come along." Remy agreed easily, throwing a glance in Z's direction.

"Whatever. Just get it over with. And stand at least two feet away from me the whole time." Z said tartly, for once not in the mood to argue.

They walked in silence to Peterson's office, Z crossing her arms tensely, and Remy keeping his hands loosely in the pockets of the baby blue uniform. They found the office with little trouble.

Upon arrival, Z had only one question. "What is _that_?" She pointed to a four-foot-tall inflatable toy alien- not a bugger, but the kind that dominated the early 21st century's media, ones that were green and humanoid with big heads and almond-shaped black eyes, ones that came in saucers and demanded the location of world leaders.

Peterson chuckled. "Oh, the teachers got it for me in honor of forty years with the Fleet. We call him Billy."

"That's pretty awesome." Remy commented.

"Thank you." Peterson looked proud of his alien toy. "Was there anything in particular you were in my office for, or do you just want to exchange a hello and marvel before Billy?" His hopeful expression suggested that he was much more in the mood for a conversation than a serious request.

"Oh, yeah." Remy recalled. "We were wondering if it was possible to complicate the battle simulation program, and give more ships to some sub-commanders than others. Rearrange them."

Z was admittedly impressed with the fact that he actually got to the point, and so quickly. She had been the one to sidetrack them. There was no nonsense on his part. Her minute moment of awe was disintegrated as Remy shifted half a step closer. "Two feet." She commanded, causing him to raise his arms defensively.

"Eh, I'll see what I can do." Peterson shrugged and leaned towards an intercom microphone, holding down a little white button. "Peterson to programmers!" He spoke as if he were from an old sci-fi movie. "Come in, come in."

"Yes, Colonel?" A nasally chess club-type voice answered. **(A/N Heck yes they're nerds. Like Blaaaaaine for those of you who know who he is. ;) NERDZ FO' EVA)**

"Just wondering if our battle simulations can do a few things." He explained the request. The programmers were happy to inform that they could, in fact, do that- it just had never been necessary.

"Great." Remy grinned with the agreement, standing as close to Z as she would allow, wavering on her borderline, taunting her. "Hey, where else does that thing call to?"

"Any room in Command School, essentially." Peterson answered with pride. "I have kind of speed dial buttons, like to my programmers, to the janitorial staff, to the mess halls…"

"Nice. You never make any announcements, though." Remy observed.

Peterson shrugged. "There's nothing worth announcing." Z could picture Peterson informing the school that he found a lucky penny on his way to the bathroom.

Remy looked mischievously thoughtful. "Do you eat lunch in the mess hall?"

Peterson was a little confused, but he answered anyway. "Do you think I want to sit in this stuffy office all day? Uhh, no thanks." He rolled his eyes, then paused. "Dammit, I think you kids are rubbing off on me."

"Not my fault!" Remy put his hands up defensively.

"I know, I know." Peterson smiled as he had been the entire time. "Anything else I can help you kids with?"

"One question." Z said before Remy could open his mouth. "Why so happy today?"

"Bah, you're just used to ol' Graff. What's there _not_ to be happy about?" Peterson continued to glow.

Z was about to mention the Formic War, or her stalker, but settled on a half-smile and left with her not-so-secret admirer. "Thanks again, for the programming."

* * *

In the main mess hall, Tiana brought her tray to the microwave. She carefully pressed a few buttons, looking unsure that she punched the right combination. Hesitantly, she placed her bowl of rice poked the start button.

Moments later Tiana noticed the rice bubbling with growths and she drew a sharp breath. Her eyes widened, and she covered her head with her hands. Inside the microwave, a few growths popped and oozed, and then suddenly all of it exploded and splattered all over the inside of the microwave.

With a sigh, Tiana returned to her usual table with Z, pretending that she didn't cause the mess.

Tiana noticed an unusual silence as she sat down with a shifty glance, and a lack of hostility from Z. "Where's Remy?"

"I don't know, and I don't care either. I don't want to." Z picked apart a sugar-sprinkled muffin, refusing to eat any of it.

"Don't want to know, or don't want to care?" Tiana wondered.

"Both."

Tiana nodded once, and then pointed to the dissected muffin. "You going to eat that?"

Z pushed her tray towards Tiana. "Knock yourself out."

Tiana beamed. "Yay!" she spooned muffin crumbs into her mouth. She nearly let it all fall out of her mouth when she heard Remy's voice over the intercom.

"Ahem. I have decided that as long as I'm already going to Hell, I might as well do what I like. Z- this one's for you." Z visualized him winking and shuddered. "She's a very freaky girl- the kind you won't take home to mother…" He was unmistakably singing 'Super Freak'. Z prayed that either she or Remy would spontaneously combust at that moment and that it would all be over- preferably Remy.

Halfway through Remy's song, the students could hear some jostling as he tried to continue. "She's a super freak!" his voice broke. More bumping around. Then, Peterson's voice was in the background. Normally, in the noisy cafeteria, nobody would hear it, but everyone was dead silent with intrigue.

"Mr. Thompson, we give out detentions here as well."

"Seriously? Wow, I would have thought I'd gotten a good amount of them by now."

"I've had several complaints from your _student_…But that's beside the point. You're in my office using my intercom for what? To be funny? For attention? In all my years with the Fleet…"

"Sorry, Colonel. I guess the freeze-dried space food finally went to my head, huh? I'll go back to lunch now…no trouble, and I owe you my afternoon free period?"

Z snickered, hoping that Peterson would punish him worse. Tiana looked dazed, still trying to figure out where the sound was coming from.

"Okay. Just promise me no more nonsense? Otherwise I'll have to send you to the psychiatrist."

"We have a shrink?" Remy asked, incredulous.

"He came recently, with a new student who may be unstable… it doesn't matter."

"Huh. Well I'll see you in my free, then."

They heard no more of the conversation, but the mess hall was still strangely tense and quiet. Soon, they heard Peterson humming 'California Gurls'.

One student meekly rose and pressed a button on the wall, and whispered into the microphone. "Colonel Peterson, the microphone is still on…"

"Well, that's embarrassing." Peterson admitted, shutting it off.

Z turned her head as a collective gasp was drawn. Remy stood in the mess hall entryway with not a hint of shame on his face. He sauntered over and sat himself next to Z.

"Go away." Her voice was threatening.

Remy couldn't help but laugh. "Come on, you know that was hilarious!"

"Maybe to you." Z said stiffly, spearing her lunch with her fork.

"I think you should cool it. This has gone way too far." Tiana offered.

"Maybe you and Alex should cool it. Do you know how loud you are when you two make out?" Remy meant it to be teasing, but Tiana felt a little sick and looked at her feet.

"Okay, I'm sorry." Remy said after a while.

"That won't mean anything until you get up and leave me alone." Z tried to compose herself and not kill him right then, but her fury showed. Remy hesitantly backed away and went to go sit with another group of Sharks.

**OK, so Z didn't completely beat up Remy, but it's hard to fit all of Lilah's suggestions in one chapter. Look how long it turned out! Maybe in the next one there'll be more action.**

**I really like author's notes, just saying. It makes me feel less weird about you people reading my stories for whatever reason. Intimacyyy! I love you all. (:**


	6. Bakugan, BRAWL!

**FAQ Time!**

**Q: When will the next story come out?**

**A: When I finish it. Jesus. It's not like I write them and hold them hostage for a while.**

**Q: ZOMG A TYPOOO!**

**A: OMFG LAY OFF. I don't proofread because I'm lazy.**

**Q: Will Z and Remy end up together?**

**A: Answer a.) Hell no. Z hates Remy's guts.**

**Answer b.) Pshh if you really want them to maybe I'll throw something in to satisfy you hungry shippers. Then you can write a fic of my fic. (:**

**Q: So when are the ferrets invading?**

**A: WTF THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY. THAT WAS SIXTH GRADE. SIXTH GRADE. *huff***

**I hope that solved all of your problems. (:**

**And yeah, it's shamefully kind of true. I seriously don't proofread, unless it's written on paper and I transfer to the computer and notice errors. Lol. No betas, no drafts…I'm a lazy lazy person. I'm Maddie Foxx.**

Z's eyelids eased open. Bleary-eyed and hardly conscious, she noticed something in her bed…something humanoid…

"Remy!" Z snapped awake, pinning the intruder.

"How sweet, I'm the first thing you think of when you wake up." Remy's grin was almost tangible from across the barracks.

Confused, Z turned to her victim. It was Tiana.

"We needed to wake you up- for the battle! I was going to tickle your feet, but you got up on your own." She gulped.

Z sighed. "I _guess_ you're forgiven." At the reminder of a battle, Z's hand instinctively reached for the zipper of the uniform. Remy's eager eyes reminded her that she didn't need to suit up. "Who are we against?" she lazily asked with a yawn.

"Raccoon Army." One of the Sharks supplied. "Their commander just got replaced, so supposedly they're not holding up."

"Obviously not very good teamwork, very dependent on others. If one leg is broken, the entire animal limps." Alex addressed all of the army. "Get into groups of four or five and target individual soldiers, especially 'important' ones."

Tiana fluttered her eyelashes dreamily. "You're sooo smart, Alex." She beamed.

"And you are _sooo_ beautiful, Tiana." Alex smiled and tapped the tip of her nose with his index finger. Tiana reached up to put her arms around his neck for what she intended to be a short kiss, but was lengthened when Alex gently pushed her backwards into the bottom bunk.

Z rolled her eyes and looked away. "Didn't we have something of mild importance to talk about?"

"Right. Ahem." Alex pulled himself away, a little red. Tiana gripped his wrists and tried to pull him back down lightly. He kissed her once on the forehead, then pried her fingers off. "Raccoon Army might be weaker than usual, but they are not to be underestimated. I will announce if I change the strategy. Understood?"

"Yes sir!" The Sharks chorused.

"Great." Alex surveyed his army and was satisfied. He turned back to Tiana. "Now where were we?"

"The part where I do this." Tiana clung to his arm and led him out of the barracks and into the commander's bedroom. Once the door was closed, she reached up and pulled the zipper of his uniform down. Alex removed the top half of his uniform. Tiana immediately closed the distance between them, pressing her chest against his, locking her arms around his neck, and of course planting a kiss on his lips.

They pushed harder and harder on each other, trying to get even closer together. They stumbled around, eyes closed, trying to find the bed. They tumbled backwards, and it was unclear who was where in the tangle.

They kept it up for a while, but then Tiana paused. "What about the battle?"

"We have a few more minutes." Alex assured.

"No, I mean…shouldn't we be doing something to make sure we win? Like strategic-ing?" she wondered.

Alex smiled lightly. "We _are_ doing something to help. If we saved this until after the battle, we'd be a little antsy, more focused on each other, hasty with the battle…trust me, it's for the better."

And with that, they snapped back together as if an invisible giant rubber band was let go around them.

* * *

"_Where_ are Alex and Tiana?" Z demanded, impatiently tapping her foot. She hated being ranked down to just an ordinary _soldier_- even if she still commanded as many simulated ships as she did kids- and inflicted her anger on anyone and everyone possible.

Remy spun around in the commander's seat. "If he ditches, I get to be commander!"

"Says who?" Z demanded?

"Says me, sugar plum!" Remy grinned, spinning in the chair more. He threw his arms in the air, loopy off of who knows what.

"I hope that thing unscrews." Z grumbled, and stared at the spinning chair, as if wiling it to happen.

"We're here!" Tiana announced, breathless.

"I'm sorry for the wait." Alex absentmindedly fixed his ruffled hair.

"You should be. The freaking battle already started." Z pointed at the display. Immediately, everyone whipped around, grabbing hold of joysticks and letting their fingers fly over the keypad. Sharks grouped, took a bite of the Raccoon fleet, backed up and charged for more repeatedly. Despite their delayed start, the battle was won efficiently, thanks to the intent focus of the players.

"Good teamwork, guys. Remy- I didn't hear one obscene comment from you-" Alex started.

"Didn't hear." Remy confirmed with a grin.

Alex sighed. "Well, that _would_ explain why Z used her belt as a whip…"

"He told me that my formation looked like a penis!" Z protested, stomping towards Remy.

"Well, it did!" Remy objected, starting in her direction.

"Enough!" Alex stepped between the two. "I don't care who started it, or even what happened, really. You are fifteen and seventeen, and in Command School! We have a war to win! Things like this shouldn't matter."

Remy bit his lip. "So you really don't care what happened or who started it?"

"I don't know where this is going…" Alex was wary.

At that, Remy stepped around Alex with alarming speed, pulled Z into his arms, and before anyone could react, he kissed her.

Outraged, Z brought her knee up into Remy's 'kiwis'. Hard.

Remy's eyes widened. "Mommy!" he squeaked, dropping to the tile floor.

"That takes care of things." Z said curtly, turning to leave. Like a puppy, Tiana followed.

* * *

Remy brought his lunch tray down next to Z's. Z grumbled, but composed herself and didn't reject him.

"That was completely, totally uncalled for." Z said through her teeth, irritated.

"It was also completely, totally worth the bruised balls." Remy returned.

"I left a bruise?" Z was happy to hear this. Her mood re-darkened. "You're supposed to be my teacher, you know, not my personal sex offender." She narrowed her eyes at the table.

"Ooh, call the cops. Get me iced." Remy taunted sarcastically. "I'm _so_ scared." He turned so that he was facing her. "You heard Peterson. He listened to your complaints, but he did absolutely nothing about it! He loves me! I can do anything I want!" He proceeded to take a cupcake from his tray and shove it down the front of Z's uniform.

Z gaped. But not for long. With a scowl, she took the cupcake out and squished it frosting first into Remy's forehead. Pleased with the way it looked, Z smirked and even allowed herself a giggle.

"That's it- FOOD FIGHT!" Remy stood on top of the table to shout at the top of his lungs.

Then, a crazy person named Lilah took this opportunity to scream, "Donut BLAT!" and hurl a 'fried Cyclops' at Tiana's forehead. She blinked, dazed, and crawled under the table. Lilah then receded to a better dimension. **A/N Are you proud of yourself, Lilah?**

And then everyone was throwing their lunches everywhere, splattering, smattering and generally making a big mess.

Remy was everyone's target. He was nearly coated in mashed potatoes, with various utensils and vegetables sticking out of the mush. "Takes for making me my own arsenal, suckers!" He laughed and threw back whatever stuck to the potatoes.

Z allowed herself a little fun, recollecting her sharpshooting aiming abilities, leftover from Battle School. Everyone she threw food at was hit right between the eyes.

"Wow." Remy was amazed as each student staggered back, unsure what hit them. "You're good."

"Like I need somebody to tell me that." Z snickered and left the cafeteria mess for Remy to explain.

**I know you all waited a long time, so I tried to make this one extra special. Sorry that 'extra special' level wasn't really achieved. (It's a lot easier to apologize for crappiness than actually make it better)**

**FYI Z having fun in the food fight has nothing to do with liking Remy. Actually she was really irritated at him, but what's the fun in hurling food all the way to a foot next to you? She was blowing off some steam. (:**


	7. Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

**Helloooo readers~**

**Is my slowness really irritating?**

**I'm sorry. I just have a lot of things to do all the time (Like watch Heroes and Futurama). And I've had this biology project that I've been picking at…Yeah. Anyway the new chapter is here so enjoy~**

"So that was fun. The food fight." Remy tried for small talk.

"Whatever you say." Z didn't look up from her homework.

"Are you seriously doing trig?" Remy stood on his toes to look at the computer screen.

"Alex wants us to have good grades, doesn't he?" Z flicked him in the forehead. "Shoo."

"Ow! I'm not a dog. You can't just shoo me away." Remy frowned.

"Shoo." Z repeated.

"I'm not going away until you give me what I want~" Remy sang.

"And what, exactly, would you like?" Z asked sarcastically.

Remy thought about it. "A cold, hard slap in the face!" Z easily complied. "Ow! One- I was kidding. Two- hahaha you touched me!"

Z rolled her eyes. "Launchies are more mature than you."

"I'd believe it." Remy shrugged.

"You're impossible."

"Glad to hear it."

Z voided for the silent treatment.

"Z. Z. Hey Z." Remy poked her arm.

"What?" Z asked through her teeth.

"I think you're pretty without any makeup on. I think you're funny when you tell the punchline wrong-"

"Stop right there." Z held her hand up.

"It was worth a shot." Remy said.

"No, it really wasn't." Z returned.

"You! Make! Me!"

Z covered her ears.

"Feel like I'm livin' a teen-age dream!"

Z threw her pillow at Remy.

"The way you turn me on! I-can't-sleep!"

Z threw her laptop.

No more lyrics came out of the unconscious Remy.

"Do you think he's OK?" Tiana gushed, prodding at the tender spot where the laptop hit his head.

"Well, he can sleep now." Z shrugged.

"Remy?" It was Alex's voice.

"Dude, how long was I out?" Remy put an arm over his eyes to keep back the light.

Alex looked at the clock. "Twelve minutes."

"Niiice." Remy grinned, then sat up. His head lolled a little. He caught his reflection in the chrome desk, and noticed a dark spot on his cheek shaped like a hand, and a more squarish one on his forehead. "I look real bent out of shape." He observed.

"Most guys give up when the girl bruises him with a slap." Alex said, concerned.

"Ah, but I'm not most guys." Remy reminded. "I'm Remy Thompson, second-in-command only to the _great_ Alex O'Neil!" He laughed a little.

"Don't flatter yourself." Alex stood up from the chair he had been sitting in. "You feel well enough run in a few hours?"

"Yeah, sure. Why?" Remy wondered.

"Fitness testing. It's today. I don't want you to have to skip anything and get no credit. It's not good for your grades."

"Mmph! Err! Ah!" Remy made miscellaneous noises in attempt to touch his toes.

"It's OK if you can't do it this year…" Alex assured.

"No! This year will be the year!" Remy insisted.

"It's been the year every year since we got launched out here. Some people just can't do it."

"Remy can't touch his toes?" Tiana asked curiously.

"Yeah. It's a real pain." Remy grumbled, still straining.

"But…It's so easy." Tiana frowned. She demonstrated by leaning over, holding her toe and effortlessly drawing her leg up parallel to her torso.

"Yeah, Remy. What's wrong with you?" Z showed off a scorpion.

"Pshhh, girls with their _flexible-ness_…" Remy tried once more to reach for his feet. "'Least guys are stronger."

"Wanna bet?" Z's competitive streak flared at that.

"You are so on. Push-ups are at 1400." Remy grinned.

"There's more than one test. Mile run at 0900 and curl-ups at 1200." Z reminded. "Best two out of three."

"If I win?" Remy asked.

"What do you want?" Z was confident that she would be victorious.

"Make out. And mean it. Or, at least act like you mean it or something. Whatever hookers do."

Z rolled her eyes. "I could have guessed. Don't count on that. And if _I_ win…I get to borrow your rank. Toon leader, for a battle or two."

"Ooh, don't count on _that_." Remy was equally confident in his abilities. "No take-backs. Shake on it."

Z stopped him before he could spit, then shook his hand.

"You know, I never said anything about guys being _faster_." Remy pointed out while they stretched before the run.

"The mile is about _stamina_, not_ speed_." Z reminded. "No takebacks, anyway. If you can't handle it, might as well just give the the rank up now."

"In that case, you better pucker up right now, Z. I don't count on losing this round, either." Remy challenged with a wink and a blow-kiss.

Z pretended to gag and returned to her stretching. Remy followed the stretches as far as his lack of flexibility allowed- if she was stretching, it must do _some_ good to her speed.

"All right, line up everybody." The gym supervisor called out from the track.

Remy wedged himself between Z and the boy next to her. "Ready?" he asked.

"For what? A brand new second-in-command position?" Z took her turn grinning. "Absolutely."

"Don't get your hopes up!" were Remy's parting words as he bolted off. Z rolled her eyes and kept a decently fast, steady pace. Remy slowed down through the middle of the race and Z easily passed him as he panted. Towards the end, Remy sped up again and caught up with Z.

"Slow and steady wins the race, hm? Think again, tortoise!" Remy laughed and darted ahead.

"Only one leg left…" Z figured, pulling together all her speed to catch up with him.

"7:08, 7:09…" Somebody was slower.

With devastation, Remy realized it was him. "Well-played, tortoise." He smirked, and offered a hand to shake. After hesitation, Z took his hand. Remy considered jerking her in and doing something rash, but decided against it. "See you at curl-ups."

BRRRREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAKKKKKKK

"I'm pretty sure I can handle this one." Remy was sure. He pulled up his uniform shirt to show off his surprisingly well-defined abs. "You can look at it for free, but if you want to touch it, it'll cost you."

"Don't get to big for your britches, boy." Z was hardly fazed. She pulled up her shirt halfway to show that she had strength there, too.

"Dang, I was hoping for a full flash." Remy complained. He sat down to practice before the test.

"Don't wear out your strength." Z warned.

"Yeah, that's weird." Tiana said, rubbing butter on her stomach.

"Uhh…" Alex contributed.

"Everybody knows that rubbing butter on your muscles makes them stronger." Tiana said. "Want some?" she offered with a glob of butter on her fingertip.

"I'm fine, thanks." Alex passed.

"Andrada! Shirt _on_!" The gym supervisor insisted.

"Yes sir!" Tiana saluted, pulling the hem down. She continued to rub under the shirt.

"Thompson, Kelley, O'Neil and Andrada. Line up here for the next test." The supervisor instructed. The four sat down and waited until it was their turn.

"I'm going to outlast all of you!" Tiana was sure.

Remy laughed. "Tiana, your waist is like three inches around. You don't have any muscle."

"You'd be surprised." Z said. "Ti's pretty strong for her size. Or, at least, she is when she uses enough butter."

"Do _you_ use butter?" Remy asked, incredulous.

"Please. It's just a placebo. Just don't tell her otherwise and you'll see." Z said.

"What's a placebo?" Tiana tilted her head.

"It means it only works on you because you're Hispanic." Z covered.

"Oh, OK." Tiana smiled cheerily, and assembled herself into curl-up position when the others did.

"Up…one. Up…two…" drawled the tape. One would think they'd replace it in so many years.

Remy and Z were pretty evenly matched. Tiana was ahead of the game, curling without any strain. Alex, on the other hand, was fit but was falling apart as they reached the high numbers. Glad he wasn't taking the bet, Alex left quietly.

"Up…sixty-five. Up sixty -six…"

"You're not giving up, are you?" Remy asked, turning to look at Z.

"Never." Z insisted, though she was a little ragged.

"We still have push-ups."

"Win…all…three…" Z fell. "OK, fine. You win this round."

"Up…eighty-three. Up…eighty-four…"

Remy retreated, exhasperated. "Holy shit…Tiana, you're still at it?"

"Uh-huh." Tiana grinned.

"This now completes the curl-up test."

"Don't you wish you were Hispanic right now." Tiana waved a butter smeared finger in his face.

Upon Z's arrival in the gym, Remy began flexing his muscles- or lack thereof.

"Remy, I am going to hit you with a truck." Z warned.

"Uh, Z? I don't think there are any trucks lying around in Command School." Remy laughed.

"I am going to _hit you_ with a _truck_." Z repeated, narrowing her eyes. Remy held his hands up defensively.

"Line up." The supervisor said for the final test- push-ups. All the students got into rows and laid flat on their stomachs. Tiana made last-minute additions to the butter on her arms.

"Thank you, Tiana." Alex tried to look gracious as his girlfriend painted a smiley face with her butter on his arm.

"The push-up test will commence in five, four, three, two…"

Z gnashed her teeth and tried to drown out the tape. Like many things- including the spikey-haired Shark that insisted on taking the spot next to her- it annoyed her.

"Down…one. Down…two…"

She really should have vented her anger before the test, she realized. The sound of Remy _breathing_ made Z want to quit the test and kick him in the face.

"Down…seven. Down…eight."

"Z. You're fuming." Remy acknowledged.

"Just shut up and continue the test!" Z snapped. **A/N By the way, guys, nobody knows this but the Z-Snap originated from Z Kelley.**

"Will do." Remy would have saluted, but he was busy doing push-ups. And that also might hint that he'd let her win. No way was he going to give up his prize.

"Down…nineteen. Down…twenty…"

Remy thought it might be funny if he elbowed Z at every down. Z didn't. She lashed out and pulled out his arm so that he collapsed and his face met the floor. "Oww…" Remy complained, getting back in position.

"Down…thirty-six. Down…thirty-seven…"

Z's frame shook not with weakness, but with anger. She didn't know why she was so angry- she _was_ going to win, right? But then she dropped, not realizing all of the strain she had put on herself.

Remy bit his lip, trying to keep back his excitement. He continued the test for a few more push-ups to prove he could do it, then sprung out of position and went to confront Z. She stomped on his foot as he opened his mouth, then brought her knee up into his kiwis.

"Oww…I'm going to need those tonight!"

"Spare me." Z shot the worst glare she had ever emitted at him.

Remy led Z into the battle simulation room. He knew nobody came by there at this hour, so that was good, unless Z kept a dagger in her uniform. Well, one way to find out if she does, he figured. Remy sat himself in the commander's chair and grinned triumphantly.

"Let's get this over with." Z sent one more death glare his way, and then she straddled him.

**WHOO YAY IT'S DONE. Originally I was going to ask people who they wanted to win the bet, but I figured this outcome would get my readers more rowdy. (:**

**P-S-Y**

**C-H-E-D**

**Get psyched get psyched get rowwwwdy! (That was a cheer from my brother's football game btw)**

**Love,**

**Maddie**

**XOXOXO**


	8. I'm not dead yet!

**Heyyy sorry I completely neglected this website for a few months. I'm not dead, and I've decided to prove it to you with an ancient story written by the ancient Maddies…Some three years ago in the dreadful seventh grade, she wrote this for her dearest friend Abbiey.**

Z: Tiana, sometimes you really get on my nerves...

Tiana: Must be somebody's time of the month...

Z: It so is not! *sizzles*

Tiana: Do you remember your first? I sure do...*drifts into a dreamy state and flashbacks*

Tiana: *flails her way to the Fleet Nurse's office* Nurse Betty! Nurse Betty! *really frantic*

Nurse: *sighs* Yes, Tiana? Do you, er, need a new bandaid for your...papercut?

Tiana: No, ma'am! I'm bleeding out of a different place! Nurse Betty, I need a pad!

Nurse: *shocked that Tiana doesn't even try to drop her voice to a whisper* Er, they're in the drawer over there...*points*

Tiana: *walks over, and spots somebody she knows* Oh, hi Bean. What are you here for?

Bean: Uhh...I might have a fever, so I needed to have my temperature checked.

Tiana: Oh. I'm here because-

Bean: *interrupts* I heard...

Tiana: *finds the drawer but only sees tampons* Nurse Betty, I can't use these! There aren't any pads left?

Nurse: Why not, Tiana? No, there aren't any.

Tiana: Nurse Betty, tampons are scary!

Nurse: Good lord, Tiana, you'll be fine. Just go into the bathroom and follow the instructions.

Tiana: *closes and locks bathroom door* Nurse Betty, what if it gets stuck?

Nurse: For Christ's sake, Tiana, it won't get stuck!

Tiana: What if I cough and it shoots out?

Bean: *is getting squirmy because this is really awkward for him*

Nurse: Stay still, Bean. You don't want me reading the wrong temperature, do you?

Tiana: *has been quiet for a little bit* Nurse Betty, can I have some ibuprofen?

Nurse: What for?

Tiana: What if I cramp up!

Nurse: You'll be fine. I'm sure you can handle it.

Tiana: What if I get PMS?

Nurse: Honestly, Tiana, you're the last person I'd expect to have PMS.

Tiana: Really?

Nurse: Yes. Now can you leave?

Tiana: *skips out of bathroom and back to Shark Army barracks*

Z: Tiana, you still do that every month...

Tiana: Yeah! And every time, somebody I know happens to be there!

Z: Doesn't embarrassment affect you?

Tiana: To a degree...Last time it was Ender Wiggin! And before that it was our commander!

**I wrote both a Halloween and Thanksgiving story, but they came out awful and I gave up for a good amount of time. SO I'm thinking that I'll try not to theme it this time, and write a Christmas story. Lol just kidding. My Command School muse is shot for now, but hopefully it'll come back at some point.**


	9. New Neighbors

**So I got this new phone a week or something ago, and it has a touch screen, which makes it really prone to butt-dialing. This chapter is an apology to Lilah for the many times I butt-dialed her and her mom, and also to prove that I'm not dead and such:**

"Hey, Z. Want to make a bet?" Remy grinned, no different than any day at Command School.

Z crossed her arms from her top bunk perch and glared at Remy- no different than usual. "I took a class in Pre-Command on how to kill people."

"I took yoga!" Tiana piped up very typically.

Alex, standing in the doorway of the barracks, cleared his throat. "Seems that our old friend Colonel Graff is graduating a whole mess of students and we're tight on space… Colonel Peterson requested that we split our barracks down the middle, and share with Coyote Army next door. This means that we're going to have to share beds." Well, that was something new. Several moaning complaints came at once.

"Can't we just get a bunch of bedrolls and have the new kids sleep in the cafeteria or something?" Z objected.

Remy looked around, noting that the majority of the army was male. "Oh man… this is so gay…" he looked sick.

Alex sighed. "If you're _that_ touchy about it, put pillows between yourself and your, um, partner."

"Easy for you to say! You're probably going to take Tiana for yourself and leave the rest of us to suffer homosexually!" Remy dropped to his knees.

Alex turned rigid. "Get a hold of yourself, Remy. We're drawing names from a hat. Or, since we're short on hats, somebody get me a pillowcase. Find a scrap of paper to write your names on- yes, you're allowed to use the 'Do not remove' tags on the mattresses- and drop them in." After receiving a pillowcase, Alex held it open for everyone to drop their names in.

Shuffling around hesitantly, everyone complied. One by one, everyone's name was in the case.

"And now, my lovely assistant, Tiana, will draw names. Shuffle it up, if you will." Alex instructed, passing the case to his girlfriend.

"Sure thing!" Tiana tied off the top and threw it in the air. When it came back down, she kicked it into Remy's stomach.

"Life is so cruel to me…" Remy sobbed from the floor.

Tiana drew pairs of names. "Tim and Conner… Ben and Kevin…Damian and Colin…" **(A/N Props to anyone who gets the references!) **She read until she reached the last pair. "Z and Remy!"

"What?" Z fumed. "That is so rigged!"

"Woo-hoo! God exists! I'm not gay!" Remy jumped up and danced around. "And Z, you're _just_ the person I hoped to be heterosexual with."

"So not fair!" Z stormed up to Alex and took a handful of his shirt front, narrowing her eyes to slits.

Alex laughed nervously. "Luck of the draw?"

Tiana stepped in, attempting to divert Z's attention from her boyfriend. "Remy said that your wedgie is a turn-on!"

"Now that I think about it…" was all Remy could get in before Z wheeled around to deliver a kick to a place no man appreciates.

LOL A BREAK OR SOMETHING

"It's not all bad." Tiana insisted at lunch. "I have to pair up with Shawn. And a couple of pillows aren't going to cover up that soy sauce-slash-tuna-slash-popcorn stink." She pinched her nose and shook her head. "Pee-yew!"

"Can I offer you ladies an air freshener?" Remy appeared from under the table, holding up a cluster of car air fresheners.

"Ooh, yes please!" Tiana took two pine tree shaped ones and fastened one to each pigtail. "I'm minty fresh now!"

Z put her head down. "There is no such thing as Remy Thompson. There is no such thing as Remy Thompson." She repeated to herself.

Remy pulled her back up. "Guess what? There _is_ a Remy! And you're sleeping in his bed tonight!" he almost danced. "Anything I should know about your sleeping habits?" he asked.

"I kick. Hard." Z nearly snarled.

"Hot." Remy winked, and sauntered off.

LOL IT'S A BREAK.

When Z and Tiana returned to the barracks that once belonged to Shark, they found that it had been overrun by Coyotes. This army was notorious for their strangeness both in tactics and habits.

A pair of girls- one had light curly brown hair, and the other had a bridge-between-blonde-and-brunette hair color. Nametags on their foreheads indicated that they were 'Julienne' and 'Lilah'.

The one designated Lilah busied herself rating the Shark boys on a scale of 1 to 10 while Julienne drew a picture of guacamole on Lilah's face. Another one with a 'Maddie' tag on her behind dragged a boy indicated to be 'Bart' around. Lilah spotted Z and Tiana, and suddenly looked somewhat psychotic.

"I regret nothing!" she screeched, hurling paper ninja stars at the pair. **(A/N, I know they have a name, but I'm too lazy to care much.)**

Z and Tiana jumped, startled. "What the hell was that for?" Z demanded.

Lilah shrugged. "Your soul was impure." She reasoned.

"Is it pure now?" Tiana asked cautiously, afraid to remove the ninja star from where it was wedged in her uniform. Z yanked it out and threw it on the ground.

"You should be safe if you do sun salutations at 5:47 every day for the next 15 days." Julienne assured.

"It's how we purged Kyo." Lilah pointed to an orange-haired boy looking slightly traumatized on his bed.

"Tiana, this army is full of freaks. Don't talk to any of them, do you hear me?" Z took her friend by the shoulders and turned Tiana to face her. "I'm not even going to ask about that one…" Z stole a glance at one labled 'Alice', who looked as if she were pressing buttons in the air.

LOL THIS IS A BREAK

The dreaded night came too quickly, and everyone voiced their complaints loudly as they settled into bed.

"Good night, everyone." Alex waved to his army. "Lights out." He flipped the switch and went to his commander's quarters.

Z heard Remy reciting something softly. "In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight…"

"Remy, what are you doing?" Z had to ask.

"Saying a prayer before bed." Remy answered matter-of-factly.

"Isn't that the Green Lantern oath?" Z made a face.

"Maybe…" Remy tugged lightly on the covers.

Z yanked them back in her direction. "_You_ will be the one to suffer."

After a moment, Remy snorted. "Hey Z, guess what? I'm sleeping with you." He laughed uncontrollably. It only stopped when Z took her pillow and forcefully whacked him in the face.

"I hope you bleed." Z informed.

Remy looked over at her once again. "Good night, Z. Love you."

**Hope that was OK~ I'm kind of getting lame with these guys. And I think this chapter was shorter than all the other real ones… Bah, doesn't matter. You guys take what you can get. I love my readers by the way. ;D**


	10. The Next Day

**I just want you all to know that I'm having a love affair with Lilah Espinoza.**

**wtf, why does MS Word think "Espinoza" is a word but not "Lilah"?**

**Also, sorry I got the Green Lantern oath wrong in the chapter before. That was supposed to be "Let those who worship evil's might beware my power… Green Lantern's light!" not whatever I had.**

**Oh, and here's a chapter. It came to me while watching Hetalia.**

Remy woke to a start with a shattering pain in his ankle. "Motherfucking-!" he cursed loudly, gripping his injured foot.

The veil of sleep was ripped from Z's face as she heard him swear. "God, Remy. It's the middle of the night." She sat up, blinking and trying to make something of the darkness in the barracks.

"You broke my ankle!" Remy shouted, wincing from the throbbing hurt. "You kicked me and you broke my ankle!"

"Really?" Z couldn't help but feel a little proud of herself. "I told you I kick hard." She sniffed.

Remy stumbled out of bed, shakily gripping the top bunk for support. "I need to- get to the nurse!" he managed, breathing heavily as he tried to cope.

"Haven't you ever broken a bone in Battle School?" Z was shocked that he was so sensitive about just a _fracture_. "I had my left arm broken twice."

"Seriously, Z! I'm not kidding around! I need help!" Remy wore a desperate expression, though Z couldn't see it. "I'm asking you; _please_ walk me to the nurse?"

Z sighed. "Fine, Remy. But this doesn't mean anything." She climbed out of bed, zipped up the front of her uniform to keep out the cold of the night. "Here, lean on me for support." Remy did so, snaking an arm around her waist, which Z didn't take well to. She didn't say anything, though. Better just to get all of this over with.

Z led him to the infirmary, where Nurse Philia was sleeping at her desk. Z flicked the lights on and off to wake her up, which she did so with a start.

"Oh, hello!" she straightened immediately. "What seems to be the problem?" she peered at Remy. From her position, she couldn't see his mangled ankle. He was just gripping onto Z, white-knuckled from holding on so hard.

"Remy broke his ankle." Z informed her lazily.

"Oh dear…" Nurse Philia leaned over her desk to take a look. Indeed, Remy's ankle looked pretty broken. "Let's see how we can patch that up." She ushered the students to one of the beds in the office, and instructed them to sit at the foot. After working steadily for an hour, the nurse had put together a cast that held Remy's ankle where it was supposed to be while it healed, and handed him a pair of crutches. "It might take a moment to get used to—"

"Bonk." Remy quickly found use in the crutches, whacking Z in the stomach with them.

"It might take a moment to get used to moving in them." Nurse Philia repeated herself without a change in expression.

"Thanks, Nurse P." Remy gave a parting wave, hobbling off on the crutches back to the Shark barracks… or, Shark and Coyote now, anyway. "Hey- hey Z, wanna race?" he grinned stupidly.

"I just gave you a broken ankle subconsciously." Z pointed out. "You should know by now that I'm not a force to be reckoned with."

"Oh, but I don't. I think I recall one friendly competition that you… what was it? You lost at it? Oh, that's right! And I won!" Remy laughed, continuing on his way. "Oh, and you can't hit a crippled kid. Only give them sympathy."

"I didn't realize you still consider yourself a kid." Z shrugged. "You're 17… bound to turn 18 at some point less than a year from now."

"Two months and nine days." Remy elaborated. "Yeah, I'll be out of this school. And then what?" he paused for a moment to think about the future. "They gonna send me out to war with the Formics? It seems too much of a jump. I don't want to go to war."

"Nobody says you have to. I mean, we learn plenty besides how to fight, though it's primarily what they want us to do." Z returned. "Who knows? Maybe the Formics'll just blow up out of nowhere and it'll be done." As they reached the door to the barracks, Z held it open for Remy. "I mean, if Facebook can make a comeback around here, anything can happen." **A/N Why yes, Jujyfruitlienne, I did reference your fic. Why yes, Lilahboo, I am coming up with stupid nicknames.**

"Eh, guess so." Remy dropped his voice to a whisper so as not to disturb the lucky students that had managed to stay asleep. "You really never do know what's going to happen around here." With that, he settled into bed, a hesitant Z behind him. "It's so nice you can be not hostile to me." He smiled, turning to face her.

Z turned in the other direction. "Shut up, it's only because you're injured. _Good night_, Mr. Thompson." **A/N Um. I just made a Neopets reference. Lol, I'm so lame.**

LA LA LA BREAKY BREAKY HEART I MEAN THIS IS A BREAK SORT OF

That morning, Alex tried to rise from bed, but felt an arm around his neck, restraining him. It certainly didn't belong to Jimmy, the Coyote commander who he was supposed to be paired with… He strained his eyes to look to his side, and found that Tiana must have wedged herself between the two, and pushed Jimmy off the bed. He spotted him sprawled on the floor.

"Tiana." Alex prodded her gently, and removed her arm from around him.

"HmmMmm?" Tiana blinked slowly, delicately stretching out.

"Tiana, I know that this whole sharing beds thing is a burden on you, but…" Alex trailed off to yawn. "It's a burden on all of us, and we just have to share the weight."

"I'm hungry." Tiana clung to his arm and yawned as well.

"You know when breakfast is." Alex said, businesslike and unresponsive to her charms.

"What's wrong?" she asked, moving to prop herself up on his chest. She acted mesmerized with his morning hair, playing with the yellow-blonde locks.

"You know what would happen if I allowed myself one luxury? Everyone else would expect to have it. I don't want to be _that_ commander. Nobody likes him. He takes everything for himself. His army is loyal for no reason. They don't care for him. They'd leave him for the winning side in a heartbeat. It's not even just that… it's so much more. Do you understand where I'm coming from?" Alex sighed, pushing her hand away.

Tiana gave a solemn nod. "I guess so…"

"Great." Alex gave his signature smile. "Now why don't you get dressed and wake up the others."

Tiana pulled herself away. "They're all up. Lilah and Julienne are making everyone do sun salutations, I think. I didn't want to get up early, so I left in the middle of the night to sleep in here."

"So you got up early to avoid being woken up early?" Alex grinned.

Tiana toyed with her pigtails. "Maaaaybe…" She stood up, and offered a hand to help Alex out of bed. He took it and stood beside her.

"All right, let's wake up poor Jimmy and tell the army to get ready."

BREAK BREAK BREAK IT DOWN NOW Y'ALL

"Riiiise and shine, hot stuff!" Lilah blared a blowhorn in Remy's face.

"Aaah!" Remy bolted upright, his hair stuck up in all directions. There were faint dark spots under his eyes because he hadn't slept all that well through the night.

Z wouldn't be the first to admit it, but she mirrored him nearly perfectly in that moment. She'd jumped up at the exact same moment, her breathing rate matched his, her hair, though darker and much longer, was a mess in the same way, and her tired eyes were darkened at the rims just as much.

"It's time for sun salutations!" Julienne exclaimed. Lilah, by her side, was just as enthusiastic.

"No thanks." Z pulled the covers back over her head.

"Seconded." Remy tried to worm under beside her, receiving threats from Z that she'd break his other ankle and his nose if he liked.

"Looks like we'll need to bring in the cavalry," Julienne gave a little sigh.

"Roy!" Lilah called across the room. A redheaded Coyote boy responded, coming over to pick up Remy and Z in their bundle of blankets.

"This is really cozy." Remy commented, finding himself nose-to-nose with Z.

Roy released the package, spilling its contents on the floor of the barracks. Lilah realized that she just made Roy throw an injured Remy on the ground, and quickly rushed to his aid. Or so it seemed.

"Oh my Green Arrow!" Lilah squealed. "Can I sign your cast? I want to be first!" Immediately, she produced a sharpie and signed, taking as much space up as she could, 'LILAH ESPINOZA'. She passed it off to Julienne, who wrote a modest 'Julienne P.' inside the 'O' of 'Espinoza'. It didn't take long for everyone in the barracks to descend on Remy's ankle and weasel in their signature somewhere on his cast. Even Z had scrawled in an 'I hope you die –Z' on the back of his heel.

Once they were done with that, Lilah and Julienne waltzed to the front of the room to take up the lead of sun salutations. "Everyone ready? Prayer pose." Julienne stood straight and pulled her hands in to her chest. "Deep breath… mountain pose… take a deep breath, and we'll move into downward facing dog…" **A/N I'm getting flashbacks of days at Memere's house doing the yoga poses from Wii fit in the front yard…**

Alex slowly opened the door on the sun salutations when they were about 15 minutes in. It was easy to tell the Coyotes from the Sharks, aside from the fact that they were in different colored uniforms. The Coyotes were highly enthusiastic about the yoga, and pulled into the poses without trouble. The inflexible Shark boys strained to partially get in. He gently closed the door again, and left with Tiana trailing him. "It won't hurt them." He reasoned.

**LOL these are just getting worse and worse.**

**Seriously, if you have any suggestions, I need them so badly. You're lucky my Command School muse came out today.**


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